How I Finally Married Mr. Right in My 50s

And the 10 Steps I Followed to Ensure I Wouldn't Settle

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted a happy marriage. Sadly, my first marriage ended in divorce. Looking back, I realize I didn't choose well. I settled for someone who wasn't good for me. Even during our dating days, there were red flags. My ex was irresponsible with money and lacked responsibility in general. I knew those things, but I ignored them when I should have run the other way. I didn't because I was afraid I wouldn't find anyone else. So, we married. 

The first year was okay. But it grew progressively worse after that. In the 10th year of marriage, I learned he'd had an affair. I decided to stay anyway. But things never got better. A couple of years later, I learned he'd had more affairs. In essence, he was a serial cheater. 

Eventually, in 2011, I had the courage to leave. It was the hardest decision I'd ever made up to that point. And it took many years to get over the pain. It wasn't instant or easy. Finally, in 2019, I decided I was ready to date again. 

You see, my desire for a good marriage never faded. I knew I wanted love again. But this time around, I refused to settle.

So, how did I end up with someone so good for me? It wasn't by accident. I took very specific steps to ensure I didn't make another mistake. Those steps are what I'm going to outline in this article. 

1. I made a list of all the things I could possibly want in a new husband. I didn't hold back but included everything I could think of. For example, I wanted a man who was a gentleman that would open doors for me. I wanted someone who was tender-hearted, good with finances, and much more. My list ended up being 50 items or so long.
2. I also made a list of red flags, things I didn't want under any circumstances. For example, I didn't want someone who wasn't a Christian. Sharing the same faith was vital. I also didn't want someone who smoked or had tattoos.
3. I kept that in my nightstand and often reviewed it. Sometimes I crossed things off or added new things. Especially after I joined Christian Café and started chatting with other men. I did chat with a few before I met Curtis. But they weren't for me.
4. When I finally met Curtis in June 2020, I was ready not to settle. No question. Even though I liked him and could tell he was different from the others I'd talked to, it's almost like I thought he was too good to be true at first. In fact, I left him three times in the first month. A lot of that was because of fear. It's scary to date again. But after he asked me to go steady with him, I eventually became steadier myself. 
5. He and I didn't waste time. From the start, we made our intentions clear: we wanted a real marriage and didn't want to waste time with anyone who wasn't serious.
6. When I knew I could trust him, I revealed more of myself to him that I had to anyone else. Transparency was key. We both were. We had to know what we were getting into if we wanted a successful second marriage.
7. I knew after about a month that he was the one for me, and I thought I was ready for marriage in that first year. But he led us well and we took our time. We didn't rush. 
8. We kept physical boundaries, which was easier than it could have been since we were long-distance. We both wanted to honour God by saving sex for marriage. And I learned from my previous marriage that sex before marriage clouded my judgment big time.
9. Friends and family met him and, for the most part, were fans of us being together. The two who weren't sure about us eventually realized we were good for each other.
10. We didn't shy away from conflict. Any we experienced drew us closer together.

After many hours of emails, video chats, and phone calls plus four week-long in-person visits, we finally had a blessed wedding day. Now, we are in our fourth year and still happy together and growing as a couple.

I'm so glad I followed the steps I did to end up with the man of my dreams No, our relationship isn't perfect, but we constantly work at it and are thankful for our beautiful marriage.

If you'd like to read a his and hers version of our story, you can find that here.

If you're seeking love again after a failed marriage (or more than one), I hope that the steps I took to secure a good match will inspire you. It's truly possible to find love again and to have a successful second marriage.

I didn't have to settle a second time, and neither do you. 

If you liked this article and want to learn more about my divorce and recovery, I have several books on the topic on Amazon. 

Divorce Recovery Handbook provides a general look at recovery and suggests strategies for healing in several key areas whereas On the Road to Recovery focuses on 10 specific challenges common to recovery. The boundaries book shows how boundaries can aid the healing process.

If you've already gone through the healing process and are ready to date again, I also have resources to help you. Stop Settling When It Comes to Love offers woman guidance in areas like long distance dating, online dating, how to know someone is good for you and more. The workbook helps you apply these principles.

Finally, if you want to try Christian Café, you're welcome to use my affiliate link. If you purchase a membership using that link, I'll earn a commission at no extra cost to you.

If this article helped you or you have questions, please feel free to leave a comment.  Thank you so much for reading.