Free Chapter from Stop Settling When It Comes to Love: Wise Dating Practices for Women

Photo of author and her husband when they were dating.

Chapter 5

Do I Have a Good Relationship?

 This chapter will help you determine if you're on the right track with a relationship. I offer signs that a man likes you and suggest qualities a marriage-minded man should have. 

Does He Like You?

 A few years ago, I learned how men behave when they're interested in you. If you're currently dating someone and need clarity on whether or not he likes you, I hope the following helps.

1. Does he ask you about yourself, or are your conversations one-sided? If the conversation isn’t mutual, there’s a chance he’s not interested or has an ulterior motive. One man I spoke with said he was only interested in having a female to talk to. That was his way of telling me he didn’t want to pursue a relationship. If you have to ask what his intentions are, that’s generally not a good sign. On the other hand, it never hurts to ask. You deserve to know where you stand.

If the conversation is mutual and he wants to know what you think and how you feel and if he’s trying to get to know you, there’s a good chance he likes you.

 2. Are you clear about where the relationship is headed? If there are constant doubts in your mind as to where you stand with your man, there’s a problem.

 If a man is attracted to you, you’ll always know the status of your relationship.

 3. Does he flatter you or flirt with you? If a man is constantly saying how great you look and what a good catch you are without other behaviour to confirm his words, that’s typically a red flag.

The old sayings are true: "Flattery gets you nowhere." "Actions speak louder than words."

It’s a good sign when a man flirts with you in a genuine way. 

One of the favourite things my now husband said to me when we met was, “if you bake the cookies, I’ll eat them.” That was his response when I told him I liked baking. If men could get grades for flirting, my husband would have earned an A+. He flirted in the most charming, innocent way. 

4. Is his communication with you sporadic or consistent? If a man only occasionally graces you with their presence, that isn’t a good sign.

There’s nothing better than a man who is consistent when you’re beginning a relationship. I believe this saying I once learned from a counselor is true: "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior."

I wish I had known these signs before I started dating again in my late 40s. The important thing is, I learned them. Now I'm sharing them with you.\

Signs Your Boyfriend is Marriage Material 

It may be obvious that a romantic relationship is going nowhere, or that it's not good for you. But when you want a relationship and the one you have is mediocre, it's sometimes hard to be honest about where the relationship is going.

How do you know if your guy is marriage material? Read on to learn some of the characteristics you should look for in a boyfriend. 

1. Does he respect you? Respect is huge. If a man doesn’t respect you, is there a future? He should respect your thoughts and feelings, your desires, and your values. He should respect YOU. It’s equally important to respect yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, he might not respect you either. 

2. Does he listen to you? Is there equal sharing or does the man do all the talking? Does he ask about your day or spend more time talking about his? Of course, there are occasions when one person talks more than the other, but a man should be as interested in talking as listening. 

3. Does he cheer you on? Does your man believe in you and cheer you on? If you take on a new project, is he your biggest supporter? Does he encourage you in your pursuits whether they're professional or personal? It’s a good sign if your man is your biggest fan. 

4. Is he faithful? Does he stay true to you? Is he true to his family, to his word, to his employer? If a man is faithful in all areas of life, he’ll be faithful to you. If a man is not faithful in other areas of life, beware. He may not be faithful to you. 

5. Is he safe? Can you cry with your partner? Can you reveal your true self to him? When you reveal yourself, does he accept you? It’s important to have a safe life partner. If your man reveals toxic traits in dating, don’t think they’ll disappear in marriage. 

6. Can you trust him? Trust is foundational. Is there even a relationship without trust? Pay attention if your man exhibits shady behavior in dating. If you have a “gut feeling” that something isn’t adding up, listen to that feeling. 

7. Can you be your genuine, authentic self with your man? Can you be vulnerable with him? Can you share the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of yourself with him? 

8. Does he accept you as you are? When you’re vulnerable with him and share all parts of yourself, does he accept you? Does he accept you and your quirks? 

9. Can you talk things out with him? When issues arise, can you talk things out? Communication is as foundational as trust. When you can talk with your man about anything and work on problems as a team, you’ve got something good. 

10. Can you laugh together? Laughter is amazing in a relationship. It’s a great stress reliever. It’s also important to have fun.  

11. Do you have similar life goals? It’s wonderful when you and your man have similar life goals. It’s okay to have differences, but if your life goals are very different, that may cause problems down the road. For example, it'll be a challenge if he wants children and you don’t.

12. Do you have shared interests? It’s important to enjoy some of the same things. Differences are fine, but shared interests mean you’ll enjoy doing the same things together. What good is it if you have no shared interests? 

13. Do you and your man have a deep friendship? Communication, trust, and friendship are important foundations for a lasting marriage. Romance can’t be the basis for your relationship. Having a good friendship with your man will help when you don’t “feel” romantic. Those times will come even if you can't imagine it now.

Reflection Questions

 1. How do you know when a man likes you? 

2. Can you distinguish between flattery and flirting? What's the difference?

3. Have you ever been unsure where you stood with a man? What was the outcome?

4. What qualities would you have added?

5. Do you have a better understanding of what a good man is like?

This free chapter is taken from my book Stop Settling When It Comes to Love: Wise Dating Practices for Women where you can discover why settling should never be an option and what real love is like. Click here to get your copy.